love day, new meaning(s)

dear me,

it was dia de san valentine yesterday. i dont remember the last time i had a “valentine,” probably when i was in high school dating my best friend. i had a recent breakup/heartbreak. someone who had been in my life for over 9 years. off and on we went until i finally felt like i learned everything possible i could learn.

with this person, i let my guard down, drop at my feet. gave her everything i could. she was so blind to me that eventually i had to walk away, for real, for real.

i want to write down some lessons so that i can look back and see my self love progress.

lessons of love, hard learnt:

1. i am so worth it. worth every effort to face fears having nothing to do with me but impacting me, harshly at times.

2. the keep trying part of me is really cool. i appreciate her so much for believing in people till death.

3. the walking away, finally(!) is also a really needed part of me that gets me out of trauma-inducing relationships that i do not deserve one bit.

4. self love is the best thing i can teach my baby and i can only teach her that by living it.

5. self love is learnt wisdom that must be actively practiced on the daily because there is no perfection only practice.

6. without self love, there would be no me right now. i would still find myself in mind games and walking on egg shells not my own. thank you love for finding me, saving me from the monsters i am that would happily keep me in unsafe places.

and lastly,

7. be quiet and listen. listen to self, listen to heart, listen to Spirit. look around and see that i am exactly where i am supposed to be and that is all owed to my constant choice to choose my heart first, never deny that love is everything in this life. and love is joy. love is clarity. love is action. love is letting go of fears because fears keep you down. and down is not where i want to be. because, i deserve more.

xo,

agua dulce*

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