i’m neither here nor there

it is hard to stay connected to my-Self these days. i question myself up the wazoo a little too much.

there has been so many changes in the past 2 years that i am having a hard time finding me again.

i’m feeling like i am absent in most spaces i am in.

i ask myself if i am just burnt out and that with some rest i can come back to myself. or is this a total transformation, a letting go of an old self to rebirth a new one, and who is this new person who is coming, will i like them? will i recognize them? will i still be here when she is born free of the chains i impose on her?

ni de que ne de aya. trying to find some ground so that i can take flight. i will bury my feet in the earth, pray to mother earth that she reminds me of who i am and that all will be okay, that this storm too will pass, as have all other storms i have already lived through.

i remind myself what my Elder Q shared with us at the last Queer Full Moon Ceremony, nothing goes unseen, the elements are always present as witnesses to our lives. we are never alone. the earth, wind, fire, and water are present within in me and are trying to shapeshift and move me out of the place of stuckness i feel.

i look at my baby and i know that i will be born so much stronger soon. that i just have to hang on a bit longer, keep breathing and enjoying our life together. not giving a care who is judging me or why they are doing it. i am loved. i am love. i will soar.


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