reaching our 5th month together

Ollin Sage Coyote will be 5 months next friday. feeling so grateful for her love in my life. 

adoro todo lo que me ha traido a mi vida. i love everything about her and all that she has brought to my life. strengthened relationships with self and chosen family (blood family as well, mostly my sister and her family). raising children in community as i intentioned out to do. children who will grow up connected to Momma Earth, Sun, Moon, grounded in the elements, connected to their magic. 

also, Ollin’s papa is living with us for this month. he has fallen in love with this little one too, just as D and I have. our 3 parent love is working wonders in all of us, Ollin is enjoying her team as we are enjoying each other, growing relationships that will last life times. 

sometimes late at night, i wonder aloud how it is that i am living such a life. i never knew life could be this way. so rich in deep felt joy, fullfilled with love, work, family, and all that makes me smile. 

i feel at peace within myself, my decisions, and the things i have shed along the way in order to get where i am. i feel that those who love me, love me for who i am and not for who they want me to be.

at 31, i am loved how i need to be loved. all of this i have intentioned out for myself and i have gotten rewarded by loves and family that see my whole-self as important, valid and not needing to shift for their own comfort. 

at 5 months, baby Ollin Sage Coyote is nearly seating up on her own, trying her first homemade mushy foods, drinking water from her sippy cup (still learning her sippy suck…as she skipped learning to feed from the bottle!), smiling the most gorgeous smiles i have ever witnessed, and teaching us what her likes and dislikes in music and play. she is very outspoken letting us know what she wants at all times. when she hears live gypsy music her eyes get glossy\teary as if this music takes her back in time. it only happens with this type of music and this fascinates me. 

at 31, i know to love deeper, more honest, transparent, and free. i vocalize my needs and respect the needs of others without taking things personally if what their needs don’t match mine. i know i have much to learn about medicines i carried into this world but i am completely dedicated to remembering and teaching Ollin about her own magic. 

at 31, i make tons of mistakes at work, love, and simple everyday life happenings. i am reminded to take the lessons learned so that i don’t repeat the same mistakes over and over again. as a new momma the  mistakes i make now are not the ones i made last year or 5 years ago. at 31, i know not to lie to myself or others out of fear of losing them. at 31, i take leaps of faith while remaining grounded, firmly rooted in the present, in my mommyhood, in my respect for my loved ones, and dedication to my whole self. 

at 31, i feel grateful for all that i have come from that brought me here. the loves, the broken hearts, the financial struggles, i am sorry for my mistakes that hurt others, the mistreatment of self countless times because i didn’t know any better, all that i have become and am growing to be. i am grateful for my sister and brother who support me in the best ways they know how. for the loves in my life who inspire me to not be afraid of myself. i am grateful for our baby Ollin who has come here to make my life 10,000 times richer. 

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