i’ve been away for a while finding balance and centering. being a momma to a fierce little person has made me stronger than i ever thought i would be. she teaches me so much about resilience and keeping a strong relationship to joy.
the injustices in this realm are shifting as we all are. and my spiritual work reminds me that no matter how horrific things can get here, there are forces much more powerful than anything any human can do. this brings me an abundance of hope for change, resistance to injustice, and the building a different world- dismantling the current one, one brick at a time.
as i step into a deeper relationship with myself, my spirituality, and my community(s) this also requires that i step it up in my self care. i’ve been waking up between 4-6 a.m. to meditate about 3-4 times a week. when the baby is up, she comes out to the front porch with me where we have our little garden, otherwise she stays in bed while i do my meditation, stretches (sun salutations to the four directions), and writing. these moments of quiet have served me well in the past 3-4 weeks. helping to re-ground me after the upheaval i felt (internal and outer- in our world) a couple of weeks ago. not much has changed in the outer world but internally many shifts have happened. one particular one is that i have committed myself to finding and living out the inner lion in me (the one people have claimed to see), the courageous, dignified, and humble lion i know walks with me on my path. finding my animal totem/spirit has been a long process of meditation and trusting in my intuition and instincts. i am also in a community where these things are normalized so seeking to know my animal spirit guides (and other guides) is encouraged in the process of self growth and realizing of one’s potential.
Ollin has her guides too. she will discover them in due time but for now i serve as one of these guides. i take the job seriously because i see how she watches me. her eyes reflect my every action, word, and deed. i see her, see me. it’s a beautiful thing indeed. being her momma is the best thing that could have happened to me, the most honest of choices i have made. i am so appreciative that she chose me (and d as her momma’s as well as M as her papa). the communities she chose to walk this earth life with, are so in love with her. they see her power as the curandera she was in her past life. and it is our job to guide her, help her remember why she is here this time around. she walks with strong Spirit guides who watch over her, make her smile in the middle of her tears, and bring laughter and comfort to her when no one else can. i see it happen in front of me and i know they are present. and for their positive accompaniment i am grateful.
it is amazing how my life has shifted. i am so grateful for this 30th year of life outside the womb. i am surrounded by strong spiritual folks, queer sha-womyn’s, partners&lovers&friends and a sister (and her growing family) that truly are devoted to my happiness, as i am to theirs. i am so grateful i no longer chase love, instead it knocks on my door every morning, literally it feels and i gladly let her in so that my home/our home is filled with her presence and light.
i’m turning 31 in just a few weeks. i have to say this has been the best year of my life. we must celebrate this with food, music, movement, and dance.