documenting first day of week 39

it has been a rough week emotionally. as i have said before, pregnancy brings up everything to the surface to be dealt with. some things just keep coming up! validate emotions, breathe, shower, breathe, and let go. it’s been my routine for days now. otherwise i will end up with a heartache bigger than i need to be handling right now.

the baby is due to come in the next week and half or so. of course, baby can come earlier or later but the arrival is very close, i can feel it. my belly is so full, it is difficult for me to sleep for long periods of time and my feet are more than swollen. I’m keeping up with my walking and yoga stretches to help my body stay open and prepare for a bigger than ever opening. the midwife says the baby is healthy and weighs about 7 pounds. I’ve gained about 45 pounds! not so evenly distributed weight…mostly in my belly, some of it is the water in my feet (!) and a little extra on my sides…lets call them love handles…baby love handles made of yummy food, including a few extra breads from the Mexican bakery😉

the house has been prepared for baby’s arrival. the gifts we got from the spiritual welcoming ceremony are now placed on the baby’s altar, along with red roses for love, lavender to honor their dreams, and ocean water for the dolphin self that is about to swim down my birth canal. all around the house we have vases, cups, and glasses filled with picked fresh sage, rosemary, and lavender. the Grandmother Owl that the Elder lent me from the time of the spiritual ceremony until after the birth of the baby is gently placed next to my bed with herb bunches made of cedar, pine, lavender, rosemary, and sage. she rests peacefully and i am so honored to have her here with us for the time being. i have been hearing her speak to me in my dreams mostly. she brought an image of the baby the other night. it was pretty funny because i did not recognize the baby. they looked nothing like anyone i had ever seen. and in my dream i remembered that the Elder told me that sometimes baby’s will look like an ancestor, a great grandmother/grandfather of one of the families the baby is born from. in my dream i laughed joyfully in honor that we had birthed an ancestor returning to this world. ‘what knowledge they must carry with them’, i thought.

this weekend i have a few more things to do for baby. i have to wash all the clothing and swaddling blankets we  were gifted, the baby bath wash-cloths, and the home-made baby wipes i plan to use for diapering time. I’ve researched how to use reusable diapers and wipes. I’m very excited about all this. yes, time consuming but i will be at home for awhile before i have to find a full time job again. after recovery from the birth, i plan to focus on my own healing practice and engage more clients to work with. I’m excited about this because it means that i will be able to be a stay at home mom for as long as the practice is up and running successfully. what a blessing to be able to be at home with baby.

this summer we will have a special person come visit us to meet the baby. i hope for the best during this visit and I’m excited about the possibilities this visit will open up for all of us.

lots to look forward to. and swimming in gratitude and love for these moments in life where the heavy emotions let up and i breathe deep from the deepest parts of me.

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