this morning i woke up pretty early, hungry. so i prepared the usual breakfast and sat down at my kitchen table, opened the blinds, and waited for the sunrise as i ate my tacos with eggs, zucchini, onion and a little fresh parmesan cheese.
it is a bit cloudy in long beach today so i am not sure how much sun i will get through my windows. on clear mornings i can feel the sun’s warmth slowly entering my home even before the sun is fully out. and a few minutes later the yellow kitchen is bright with her gorgeous light.
i can see her now, rising. my dinosaur cat and i wait patiently as she purrs and looks out the window too. i can even feel the tulips on my kitchen table get excited. as much as we all love the dark of the night with the current crescent moonlight, we also get so excited when a new day begins letting us know that today is an opportunity to live more fully in love and present with and to ourselves and the world. the struggles of yesterday may continue but with the energy we’ve gathered with sleep, dreams, and night, the morning seems invincible.
last night i had a dream about a young woman i haven’t seen since my junior high school years. in the dream i had been really harsh with her, maybe speaking too much. the part where i recall making a conscious choice to remember the dream was when i asked her if i could speak to her outside of the cafeteria. we went for a short walk and i apologized for how i had spoken to her and for hurting her feelings. i remember in my dream i repeated to myself to not forget to be gentle when i speak in wake life. i also said to myself to remember to apologize when needed and never let pride get in the way of forgiveness.
i had another dream soon after that about a gigantic snow avalanche. i don’t remember who exactly was with me but i remember it was a group of us who were walking underground when we realize there will be an avalanche soon. one of the women we are with tells us the route out. she says she will stay behind and be submerged by the snow. she was calm when she said this. and for some reason none of us asked her why she was going to do that. we left and were out of danger pretty quickly. i remember looking back and watching the snow slowly fill the cave she was in. she remained at ease and at one point smiled at me, letting me know, all was okay. when the group of us that made it out were at the top, we looked down, felt the earth shake beneath us and all of a sudden there was a rupture of light arise from the ground. in the brightness i saw the woman’s smile, she became one with the earth, as if she was a faerie who was sent to protect us from harm. the sun’s brightness and warmth filled me with her presence and i too smiled and felt at ease.
in the past few years I’ve come to believe that the sacrifices we offer momma earth will return to us in our manifestations of our dreams and intentions. in 2012 i planted a little bit of money near the root of a tree with the intention that i would have enough financial stability to reach all my goals for the year, especially the paying off of my brothers lawyer. Also in 2012 i offered my own moon cycle to momma earth at the ceremony house in hopes of a healed womb. both of these intentions were realized so in my dream last night it made complete sense to me that a woman gave herself to the earth so that we would be safe and then later she would appear to us in a bright light.
the Elder i work with for my spiritual development recently sent me an email about the baby and some of the medicine that they carry onto this earth. she mentions rituals, altar pieces, and writing prompts for me to focus on in the last few weeks of pregnancy. she is who taught me that creating intentions for ourselves is the first step to realizing them. manifestation of the intentions takes hard work, focus, and commitment to the process and to ourselves. this process done within a community of witnesses waters our seeds and provides the support needed. as i continue to prepare for the child to come and for the re-birthing of myself as a mother to the spirit being, i want to keep close the lessons from last nights dreams so that i can teach the child about gentleness and sacrifice.
the sun is fully out now. and my tea is ready. i want to get some reading done before the morning escapes me. tonight starts the conference on Alternative Solutions to Addictions, I’m very excited.