el vacio que no se llena

there is an empty space inside of me that doesn’t get filled.

it’s like a never ending well in which you can look down into/see the bottom, bring tons of water to it but no matter how much water you put in, it just never gets near full.

only this well is not of water, it is of joy, happiness, and love. and no matter how happy i am in my life something seems to be absent, a missing puzzle piece that i can’t find.

the melancholy takes over when i look in the mirror, my unconscious self seeing beyond the obvious. piercing through my brown eyes looking for her face, ultimately her touch. and i can’t find it. my heart sinks and i come to bed to write. maybe i can find her in my stories and memories of joy we’ve shared.

and i do find her. she hugs me in a past that doesn’t exist anymore. the companionship once felt disappears as i try to hold on to her. i know deep down she wants me to be happy. so i try my best and let love in, hoping she will show up at my doorstep with a smile of approval, letting me know she’s happy for me, that her mami-self has been here all along and that i just simply didn’t notice.

 

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