2012 was filled with lessons learned, re-learned, taken, ignored, valued, and implemented. i let go of a lot, things and people i had out-loved, out grown, or simply just needed to release in order to make room for new-ness in love, work, and home.
in 2012 i let myself take deeper risks with love than ever before. flew to other states to try and save relationships that were important to me. although we let go messily, i don’t regret all the attempts. i learned from each one of them. felt a desire to show up in ways i had not. it was just right, exactly how i needed to be so that i can more easily walk away feeling satisfied with my part in the messiness.
following that break up, i realized it was time to love myself in new ways too. love myself deeper so that i can love those around me with the respect and passion they deserve. and i did just that for the remainder of the year. the relationships i find myself in have been hand-picked, chosen because they also have chosen me.
the self love reached this past year was required for me then to conceive this little being i find myself carrying, feeling their every movement. without the self love this baby would not have been possible. the healing survived in 2012 allowed for me to birth myself anew. become more focused and determined to live out those politics i speak, i scream.
the friendships kept became my lifeline. mutual respect and honor. i talk to my friends more, the ones abroad that were once close. the ones that know me in ways i need and desire to be seen. i start 2013 immersed in gratitude for these friendships. for the encouragement given to me so freely.
2012 also brought my sister home. and 2013 will only bring her closer. and one day soon our children will grow together, also learning to live in this world, navigating with each others support.
for 2013 i intention a focus and clarity in my writing. 2 writing workshops. a writers group that helps keep us all in check, nurtured, supported, and moving forward as writers; a deeper commitment to my spirituality, that i may be creative in my learning of healing modalities, in my own practices of prayer, meditation, movement, and in teaching the children around me that there is no “one way” of being a believer in something(s) bigger than ourselves; and lastly, to healthily help bring the baby to our earth world when they are ready. that my mind, heart, spirit, and body are well prepared for the labor and the welcoming of the babe.