naming emotions and gratitude list

it’s been really hot in L.A. this week. too hot for comfort. it’s the Fall and I feel like we are in the middle of Summer.

the past two days I’ve been navigating the divorce court system in Norwalk. not for me, but for my brother who is locked up and can’t do it himself. i have been shocked and saddened by the lack of rights inmates have when it comes to keeping close to their children. basically once your locked up it is really hard to legally show that you care about your children.

it has been heavy on my heart because i know that my brother cares about his little girl like nothing else in this world. those close to him know that it is a lot more complicated than what i share here, but it feels good to at least name my own emotions around this situation.

on a side note- he told me that he will love my child as much as he loves his own and if that’s the case, then this kid inside me will be loved like crazy by their aunt and 3 uncles.

now back to my story. being pregnant makes me hyper sensitive. i spent last night crying as i made dinner, showered, and went to bed. occasionally belting out a loud laugh as my sister and i texted back and forth. she has been incredibly supportive. just as d has been.

there’s a bit of tristeza in my eyes but if you look beyond the surface sadness, gratitude and excitement are found.

what i’m grateful for:

  1. my health and the baby’s health
  2. supportive loved ones surrounding me with their consistency and commitment to our relationship
  3. the roof over my head and yummy food to indulge in, a car that works
  4. my cats love
  5. the writing i do that seems to save me and the music that accompanies the writing
  6. the camera that takes amazing photos
  7. the love, laughter, and joy i feel showered with on a daily basis by the people mentioned in #2 on this list.

this song is an old college favorite. makes me happy when i hear it.

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