this week i wrote a ton (not posted) on claiming WHOLENESS. maybe i will post some of that writing up later this week..
my therapy session with the buddhist cowboy was good this morning…hard but good. i came in seeking a space to process a relationship no longer in my life, wanted to make clear to myself why i still hang on to it in the ways i do so that more releasing of that relationship can happen. after the session i was in tears, i felt relief for the space to talk.
after the session i met up with P for lunch and yummy coffee and as always i LOVED my time with her. she will be meeting me in Brazil this summer and i am super excited about the time we will spend together there.
right now i am getting ready for the moon ceremony that is to begin in a few hours. i’ve been given the task of doing a water-flower cleansing where i share the medicine of flowers and herbs from our garden. i will choose red and white roses because they signify trust in self and in our path, they also reminds us of the ebb and flow of life and the openness that that requires of us. also, lavender that is a keeper and protector of our dreams. and lastly, daisies. this flower is especially significant in my life right now because she teaches us to keep to our center so that we may stay whole; she balances us so the we get the total perspective of life by viewing things from our center…it is an opportunity for growth. looking forward to the sharing and the witnessing tonight.
i want to document here that i feel good. i am happy and appreciative of my path…i did not know that i was going to be on this path until one day i realized i was on it. i will turn 30 this year and it seems so significant to me that at 30 i am learning to be my whole person and to love as such.
i feel so much gratitude for the women in my life and for the communities that love and support me. i feel refreshed. i still carry sadness and questions that bring melancholy but i feel stronger through it all. i have learned/am learning to want what i have in front of me because often what is in front of me is exactly what i need. this does not mean i do not dream for more or different things but it means that i can appreciate more wholly the gifts in front of me. the questions my heart carries will remain there and maybe they will get answered and maybe they won’t. but I’m okay with that now. i know that i struggle a lot with my hearts desires. that she and i play tug of war about what is best at what time. sometimes she desires things she can’t have and i am learning to soothe her through the longing. sometimes i get mad at her and want her to stop and think more logically and she is stubborn and demands my respect of her emotions. so i’m learning to let it be what it is. learning to be patient with life and that she will bring me what i need when i need it. many cycles in this life and i must respect the timeliness of it all.
am looking forward to tonights ceremony. i can feel it is going to be a special one. more shedding to happen tonight. making room for my path to fully disclose itself to me in the presence of community so that i may be held accountable to myself, to them.
p.s. a quick update on the work with the youth. I LOVE IT. this week they gave me an unexpected gift…business cards that say my name and under my name it reads, “Healing/ Wellness”…i was in tears because i let myself see that that is how they see me in that community and i am so grateful and happy that they can see my essence. that what i most seek in this life is to bring healing and awareness to our communities needs for wellness and love, and real justice. i am hoping to come on more full time soon. thank you yjc community!