i spent the past 3 days unpacking as i listened to nina simone on THIS website i found. yesterday was particularly challenging, maybe because Sundays remind me of too much sadness. i laughed at myself in the middle of it. then cried for all that i said i would leave behind but somehow ended up packing into my bags anyway.
i decided sometimes its okay to move on carrying a little bit of the past. why not? yes, it tugs at my heart but maybe that’s just part of being human?
my cats are a little spooked at the new house. i wonder what spirits they see that have them up at night? my baby cat (whose larger in size than her mama) is especially upset. she purrs twice as much and tries her hardest to stay by my side. i know she inherited my anxiety. maybe she can feel my heart’s questions…the ones i am trying to heal?
my heart-friend told me she thinks its completely normal that i am not bursting for joy. i think i am weird for not feeling happy. she says my body is detoxing from trauma. i hope she’s right and that soon i feel my own hidden somewhere inside me joy. and what if i don’t?
deep breathe. today i re-beaded my “clarity” bracelet. the old one was just that, old. i wanted a new shiny one that can continue to remind me that i am never stuck in any situation. that i am 70% water..that the ocean in me can help me flow with the ups and downs.
on another note, i love my new home. i love my roommates, the smells of sage and coffee every morning, i love all the earth i can dig my hands into, i love that the house is surrounded by jasmine flowers. oh and i love that we all LOVE books and that we have so many, everywhere…just ready to be picked up and read, re-read, loved.
currently waiting for a new book by Dr. Gabor on addiction…i think it’s called, “in the realm of hungry ghosts”…am very much looking forward to reading it.