the emotions that surround memories, the debris, the ashes of a moment past…this is where i lay now, surrounded my these disconnected images that pour out of me in bodily symptoms…headaches, stomach aches, knots near my heart, dry skin, burning hot feet in the middle of the night.
wondering what my next step should be/deleting the “should”, allowing for possible “mistakes”…remembering there are no mistakes only lessons learned from mistakes/things i could have/could do better next time.
noticing that i have found and continue to find a home within the home that i have wanted/desired for years. around me what is valued is the blue flower in her hair, or the way he touches her hand as they laugh with friends, the smiles shared between strangers. what is valued here is the attention we pay to our selves and the sisters and brothers we co-exist in this universe with. sound fantastical? it feels like fantasy sometimes. it is definitely a different way of living than i have found in my past.
in this place, i am encouraged to look at that which lives next to memories. the fragmented, the ruptures, stories of past family members, tell these stories because that is what i am here to do, paint pictures of these stories, paint them in photograph, drawings, water colors.
to make sense of for myself and others, maybe? i am unsure why i was told that this was my purpose. i certainly trust that the reasons will show themselves as i begin to ask questions.