Japan’s earthquake has us all shaken up. Not only is Mamma Earth hurting, upset at how we treat her, we (the humans residing on this earth) have also set ourselves up for some serious problems. An estimated 10, 000 people have died and now the country faces the world’s worst nuclear crisis since the 1986 Chernobyl Disaster in the Ukraine. It is still unknown what the real consequences have been/could be in Japan and elsewhere but its obvious that it is not going to be good news for the residents of Japan or surrounding countries, and even the United States.
I say this not to scare myself or anyone who may read this, i speak on this truth because i find it so horrifically ironic that we, ourselves, “the civilized human species” have created poisons so large and in many ways uncontrollable that if “an accident”, “a president or group of so-called world leaders decides”, or a “natural disaster” happens we are pretty much F****.
Beyond the fear of disappearance from this world, I am having a hard time processing the fact that in our world today, “natural disasters” and “human-made disasters” come hand in hand TOO OFTEN. I am so confused as to what we as a human species are valuing if not la mamacita tierra, y nosotros los pendejos humanos que no sabemos como valorar la vida, and all other creatures residing on Mamma Earth. We create machines that KILL US, how the f*** does that make any sense?
we value “profits”, “The Market”, “production”, we are SO backwards, upside down con nuestras ideas que realmente nos estan o nos van a matar.
in the spirit of “living in the realm of possibility” que les puedo decir? after a day of trying to find un querido at the border, pinches papeles that really don’t mean anything but discrimination and injusticia legalized, we unsuccessfully asked anyone we can possibly ask, as we approached the authorities, they’d put their right hand on their gun before they’d listen, other times they would send us the drug dogs before even acknowledging our presence, only opening their mouth to say in a robot like monotone voice, “we can’t release any information”, “we can’t tell you where the detention centers are”, “we can’t tell you if he is in a detention center”. y ya, punto se acabo la conversacion.
living con el miedo of the “what if”, knowing the consequences of having familia that is half-documented, poor, with “criminal records”, struggling con alcolismo…es cansado, rage bubbles up.
y nosotros la familia, puzzled, angry at so many different things all at once, stomach muscles tight, we dragged our feet out of the buildings, el corazon saying, “we’ll find him, he is okay”.
a day later, 2 days after he has been missing, we wake up to the knowing that he is still not home. and we do not know when he will get home, or if he has been disappeared for reasons unknown to us. la esperanza no nos deja, and we pray and turn velitas on that he may come home soon.
on the way back to los angeles, i got lost in my own pensamientos. ya sabemos quel mundo sometimes feels like its too much or that the human-made disasters can often cause such detrimental damage to our human psyche, pero many of us are grounded in that knowledge que la vida sigue y sigue, and our only choice is to seguir caminando con ella. learning, exploring, enjoying lo que se pueda and the rest, well, we also keep living through that as well, as best we can. we strengthen our relationships, we live in comunidad, we give each other space to process, we hold each other in distance or closeness-whatever is needed or possible at that moment.