I’m cooking and thinking about Victoria who is soon to give birth to a new little baby for us to love. As I turned over the tofu to brown the other side, I envisioned her face, her thin, but strong body that has taken her many places and like my own body has often cried out to her for attention, for a much needed pause. Her smile so big, shining sunrays to her beautiful island, I can see it from my tree house in south central.
I’m overwhelmed by feelings. Emotions of excitement, longing for my friend, acceptance of my body being frail right now, and a deep desire to live.
Tears are at the fingertips of my eyes. The world is stuck in between my eyelid and my brown pupil. The last 2 weeks have been intensely intense, watching first hand the way we treat each other, the competitive at times cruel manner in which struggle for an invisible power can come in the way of a friendly interaction, the way the lack of resources (be it money, community, or love) can nearly tear a person apart. And the resilience that shines through like a lighting bolt during a rain storm.
My body, she has taken a beating these days. She cried for attention and I finally could not deny it to her. So many things need attention. And my heart seeks to fulfill all its desires, at the cost of my body this time. In honor of her, I decided to write tonight. Emotions are streaming along my veins. My shoulders, head, legs, and back sore from the lack of stretching and cold-like symptoms.
The courage to keep trying. I see it everywhere, with my friends, family and strangers especially. Not giving up even when it seems that that is the only way of pausing the externally caused stress (too often human provoked).
And that more than anything is why my body feels this way tonight. My witnessing the consequences of that human caused stress, pain, hurt, by poverty, competition, racism, homophobia, internalized white supremacy on familiar and unknown people. All which attempt to kill the spirit.
the tears come. Now to sit with them. Embrace them because right now they are serving as a teacher to this stubborn mind of mine that pushes too hard.
The tears remind that my friends have really come through this week. To take care of me, my loved ones, so just as quickly as the “system” can suck the life of outta life, friendships make everything better.