sometimes i feel like i can’t explain what i really think.
they ask for explanations, reasons, or examples from history.
i am sure there are all of the above but sometimes i just can’t think of it quick enough to satisfy their thirst for answers.
other times, i am honest and say i don’t have anything but a feeling inside that tells me when something doesn’t feel right.
can’t that be enough of an answer?
at that moment when i realize i have to keep talking, trying different words to explain myself, explain why i am for or against something, i begin to sound like what they call, “an idealist” or a “dreamer”.
COME BACK TO REALITY, they tell me.
sometimes i tear up, my eyes holding all of my passion, ready to burst out of me, crying to be understood.
they see my tears and i could swear it feels like they take that as a sign of my “idealist tendencies”.
i don’t apologize for my tears, realizing that they may not get it.
i know my ideas and those i share only with my most intimate of companions are grounded in the very core of me. but beyond me they are grounded in reality. in the struggle for a better world. that that they call “unrealistic” is what keeps us dreamers dreaming bigger dreams. taking actions in our daily life to be better people, better lovers, better communicators.
change happens in all sorts of ways, there is not only one path to get to the shared end we desire. it’s challenging to be around those who think i am a simple, groundless dreamer. my compassionate self usually saves me from saying something stupid, allowing me to see intentions behind beliefs, words, thoughts.
but in my moments of rejuvination and of self care, i prefer to be around those who see beyond the “practicality” that capitalism forces down our throats. i believe that change happens when we wear a coat of humility and take action no longer just thinking about the ideas we carry, but rooted in the knowing that we all have a little bit of truth, a piece of the puzzle. that maybe, just maybe, it’s okay that we dream bigger than expected.
call it whatever you want, i call it hope.