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i felt sick to my stomach and threw up these words:

03/12/2010

more lessons from the borderlands

1. questioning the use of forum theatre (Theatre of the Oppressed strategy) with privileged audiences, more on this later…i can not articulate yet what i am feeling/witnessing

2. i still stand really strong on the ground that sometimes things “are that simplistic, some have a lot and others do not have enough…yes its that simple.”

3. i take my work to my dreams and my dreams to my work, this can be as life-giving as it is exhausting to the mind, body, and spirit

4. speaking from my heart makes me speak louder than normal…

5. “playing the game” also means i have to figure out how to stay sane and grounded, despite the lack of acknowledgment of emotions and our human-ness

6. a supportive community that has my back is crucial for my survival

7. i want to re-commit myself to keep learning, growing, reading and writing

8. physically feeling sick is directly connected to non-physical wounds. this week back in the trenches at work, i feel nauseous as i write, i must read my own heroes blog entry to find courage to stay throughout today…is every “higher education” institution like this? and if they are, why am i here? remind me please.

9. need to find ways of loving myself as i walk through the borderlands of being admin-clerical robot, un-paid faculty (does that really count?), living on a - budget with friends who struggle just as much as i do, ex-communicated/but welcome back/oh no wait your still that/then good bye again daughter (?), shit but my brother is struggling i should be around/shit my mother is struggling i should be around for that too fuck but i cant because it hurts too much sister, somos de sur centro we imagine and work towards building our neighbors up  building public spaces for public use things like urban farms and parks and community centers where we share skills and study the world so we understand what we are up against community member, human being who rather not label herself at times because it gets complicated because everything has an explanation and some things are just “that simple” and really things are never just that simple, it so fucking complicated it makes me sick to my stomach. can you just close your eyes and hear me and then you will know who i am. once you have heard me i can tell you the labels i prefer if we have to go there, otherwise lets figure out how to change this world together, but for real no bull shit tries where you say your down and then your not, but wait its not that simple, we have lots of internal work to do that if we don’t do it we won’t really change the world. i guess its complicated but not too complicated where we use “its complicated” as an excuse to “stay as we are” or “not resist/remain silent bystanders as our world hurts”

10. i survive because you see me struggling and you reach out to me as your/as my friend, sister, mother, daughter, father, brother, uncle, aunt, grandfather, grandmother, teacher, mentor, spiritual guidance counselor, therapist, lover, partner, stranger, witness…gracias

2 Comments leave one →
  1. 03/12/2010 10:28 pm

    My dearest hermanita, hold on tight but not too tight you cannot let go… Como dice Giocanda Belli, “los que no nacieron para ver los sueños, no los ven ni de noche ni de día…” No time to waste on them, entonces. In terms of the fam. I can only imagine how much it hurts, it hurts me, it hurts them. I dream about going back home and yet can’t find it in me yet, la experiencia me dice que el hogar que busco no existe. What I do want is to be closer to you and to the little bros. Amo a mi padre y madre y le ruego a las estrellas por G, el problema es que no quiere vivir y yo no puedo vivir con el matandose.
    Los sueños, siguelos pero tambien apenrende a ver por tu corazon, por tu alma. La gente es humana y solo humana puede ser. Un día a la vez un día a la vez. Refugiate en la inspiración que existe alrrededor… buscala. Las relaciones entre humanos son telarañas, bolas de estambre enrredadas que hay que tener much paciencia para desenrredar, algunas de plano no se pueden y quedan echas bola. No podemos hacer que la gente cambie o nos entienda, para que eso ocurra se necesitan por lo menos dos partes. Hay que tomar las cosas donde nos puedamos entender y celebrarlas como pequeños milagros. Creo que lo mas dificil en la vida es el comunicarnos. Imaginate usamos el leguaje que se nos a enseñado no el que hemos construido o inventado así que esta cañon. Eres una mujer increible, sigue adelante con la frente en alto.

  2. intercambiosubunto permalink
    07/12/2010 5:29 pm

    thank you thank you thank you hermana! your words mean so much to me and truly do help lift up my spirit :) gracias…!!!

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